Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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