she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
