i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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