All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
