What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
