My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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