I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
