My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
