He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
