I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
