Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The Olympian is in my bed
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
