i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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