I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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