I am puke
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
