I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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