so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
