I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Randomize
