This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
