I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
