i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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