After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm sobbing to NWA
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
