last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
