She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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