It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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