I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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