i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
