i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
