Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
