Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
