Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
where are my eyebrows?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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