Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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