i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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