Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
