hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
