thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im holly from the hills drunk
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
