My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it hurts more in the daytime
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
