Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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