weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
