SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
