If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
