The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
