i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
