Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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