Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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