I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
