C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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