she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
