Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
