I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
