so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
