I skipped work to stalk him.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
