the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
