Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
