so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
